


Okay

by daintilyharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO TAG THIS?, M/M, Sad, i guess?, side Ziam, though only a brief mention of it, too probably?, yeah sad i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 17:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daintilyharry/pseuds/daintilyharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future fic: post break-up where Louis is sad and his world becomes dark when Harry Styles left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Okay

**Author's Note:**

> This is terrible oh god I apologise in advance, I just wanted to write something I guess? And I'm really not creative (look at the title) and yeah... I guess still try and enjoy? Hahha
> 
> (btw my twitter is @lourimmed hmu xx)

Things aren’t meant to be this way, Louis thought. 

He was meant to be okay.

He and Louis are meant to be okay.

But it’s not. 

It has become the complete opposite and all that remained were memories of the past that repeatedly lingers through his thoughts from time to time, clouded visions of the past when things we’re okay.

But it’s not anymore and it hurts.

He’s not okay.

They’re not okay. 

He’s afraid through time, these memories will slip through his mind, like the way sand slips through his hands quick and fast.

Louis is afraid.

Louis is afraid he’s forgotten. 

He’s getting married soon, he says. 

The thought haunts him. 

The stars that stand out brightly above reminded him of the boy who was once his shining light. From eyes to his smile, he was bright and shining; the boy who brought light to Louis’ life. 

One day his light shined so bright it burned. It burned Louis and he had to push him away, no matter how much Louis wanted to keep him. 

But keeping him closer would hurt him more. 

But his light slowly faltered away. He was someone else’s light now. Louis now remains in still darkness.

He sits on his window sill, looks up at the stars while the frosty air seeped through his clothes making him shiver.

This world is cold, he thinks.

********************************  
Louis wakes up the next morning, on the same side he slept on when he was still with him.

He intended to keep it that way.  
It evokes memories of him that he wants to keep.

It’s quite ridiculous, Louis thinks.

He misses their mornings together.  
The way Harry’s arm would latch on to Louis’ hips in the morning.  
It made him feel safe.

It brought warmth in the winter, his body protecting him from the cold, despite the multiple covers on them.

Even when he woke up alone, he’d know where he would be.

Downstairs, making them a cup of tea and breakfast or in the shower singing songs that was theirs.

Louis keeps those thoughts, pretending that he’s still here.

But he’s not.

It’s not okay.

He’s not okay.

********************************  
He’s at the bar with his old band mates. 

They’re still as lively as ever.

Niall’s got his own television show, has a wife and two kids.

Zayn and Liam got married, and he clearly remembered that day that burns at the back of his mind.

It was the last time Louis saw Harry.

He looked beautiful and sleek in his classic blazer and bow tie look.

His hair back to the way it was, curly, but much longer.

This was the first time he’d seen him in two years, and it hurt Louis. It truly did.

Especially with someone in his arms Louis didn't recognise. 

He quickly realised it wasn’t him in his arms anymore.

They did not talk that night, Louis subtly avoiding him, but a few run into had occurred. 

Louis has a panic attack that night. Niall helping the sobbing mess Louis was and calmed him in the bathroom.

With Louis’ unfortunate luck, Harry was there and this was the last thing he had ever wanted to happen. 

Harry turns to Louis, looks him straight in the eye. 

Emerald eyes glimmering from the reflection of the light of the room, the pair of eyes that once shined Louis’ life.

I’m sorry, Harry whispers.

His eyes, near tears and the room tense and silent as the atmosphere grew thicker.

Without a word, Louis watched him leave the door.

Niall stared at Louis, confused and distraught.

He knew Louis wasn’t okay.

And Louis really wasn’t okay.

********************************  
After the night at the wedding, he and Niall had a talk.

Louis begged to help him, to keep Harry Styles of his mind, and Niall did. 

He promised and Louis was beyond thankful for that. 

A year later, he’s stable now. He wrote songs for upcoming artists and somehow they end up becoming about Harry, but its okay. 

He doesn’t let a thought of him go to waste. 

A year after that Harry got married. It was a low key wedding, when he was told by the boys, but sooner or later pictures of them we’re up on the papers with headlines about ‘Exclusive: Ex-boyband member Harry Styles Wedding Extravaganza!’ and sooner or later, the papers questioned why Louis Tomlinson was nowhere to be seen at the wedding. 

Louis was invited, but it was best that he stayed away, he told the boys. They all agreed and didn’t push him to do so. 

For a solid month, Louis avoided buying anything from the tabloids, skipped celebrity news while watching the TV and continued on with his life. It wasn’t as hard as before, it was easier to drown thoughts of him now unlike before and for once in the past few years, he’s okay.

Louis was okay. 

********************************  
Louis runs into Harry at a local Tesco, down the road from where Louis lived. He never expected running into Harry here, he wonders why he is here considering the fact that he lived much closer to the city, the last time Louis had known.  
The encounter was nothing Louis could ever plan out in his head. Truth be told, he had never planned out anything in his head. He didn’t expect to see Harry soon, or see him at all.

Louis panicked, his hand sweats as he held on to his basket full of grocery as he saw Harry through the crack of one of the food shelves. Louis thinks maybe it’s okay to run into him. He feels stronger now; he didn’t need Harry to shine on him anymore, to keep him warm. But his heart begs to differ.

Harry is on the phone, Louis sees. His voice hasn’t change, still deep and raspy, just like Louis had remembered. Louis breathes heavily, he wants to take his phone out to text Niall but he doesn’t. He wants to prove himself better, he doesn’t want to regress down to his primordial state before Harry walked out of his life, turning him into the dark mess he was. 

So Louis proceeds with his grocery shopping. Carefully avoiding him and walked forward to the pasta section, picking out sauces and pasta shells until the familiar voice began to talk to him.

“Still going for the chicken carbonara, right Lou?” 

Louis turns his head, it’s him, he thinks.

Louis was left speechless; he didn’t know what to say. 

Neither of them we’re a ‘small talk’ kind of people, but something in Louis was about to burst.

Louis nods with a forceful smile. 

“Nice seeing you here, kinda strange though.”

Louis could feel Harry’s smile. After all these years, he can feel that particular smile he had, the signature ‘no teeth grin and flashing his deep dimples’. Louis liked that smile.

Louis scanned through the brand of other pasta sauces that he needed and Harry was still standing there, waiting for a reply. Louis still didn’t know what to say, so he lets his mind fall into auto pilot. It’s a much braver side of him than who he is when he’s in control.

“Uh yeah, family’s coming over,” Louis says, laughing half-heartedly.

“And I can sort of cook now I guess.” He adds.

“That’s good.” 

There’s a gap of silence between the two, Louis biting his lips as he picks up the pasta shells he needs.

“Lou- erm, Louis,” Harry says in a hesitant tone, Louis could tell.

“I, uh.. I kinda miss you.”

And just like that, Louis was back to square one. The days he spent alone in the darkness, without Harry’s light hit him all over again like it had happened yesterday. Getting back up on his feet after that was hard, just like a painful slow recovery from an illness, now it’s all crashing down again. Crashing at the presence of Harry at his feet, just breathing and waiting for Louis’ response.  
Louis had nothing to say.

“Fuck,” Harry muttered to himself softly under his breathe, hoping Louis wouldn’t catch him.

“Look, Harry if I’m being honest-“Louis lets his words hang on to the air between them.

“I really don’t know what to say to you.” 

Louis really did not know what to say to him. It’s been years since they’ve seen, let alone talk to each other and all the words Louis has wanted to say faded away a while ago, he gave up because of the intangible mess of words it has become and he pushed it aside before it all blows up on him.

Louis drops his grocery basket, removing his beanie, pushing his hair back. He didn’t know what to do, Harry, the boy he loved of many years is right in front of him telling him he missed him. Louis didn’t know how to react.

When Louis had mustered up his thoughts, still blurred but enough thoughts to tell the boy right in front of him, he lets it all out. Almost like releasing water into a dam.

“Harry, you left me, god knows how many years ago, maybe six? Yeah six. Six fucking years of me sitting alone at home maybe one day hoping that you’d finally call me or text me or talk to me begging to take me back. I waited for you instead of trying again, because during our time I tried so hard to keep us alive. We were under pressure and I know what you’ve done Harry, that’s why I gave you that break between us to do whatever the fuck you liked. You fucked around and I let you, even if it broke my heart because I fucking loved you.”

Harry’s mouth opened in attempt to get a word in. Louis didn’t let him.

“You did all that shit with people and once you we’re done you came crawling back to me. It was fucking stupid that I let you back in but I was so ridiculously in love with you that I let you back in so easy.”

“Louis I –”

“Even then I thought things would change. Maybe now that you we’re older you’d know better, but that was just impatient little me hopelessly in love with you. I feel like I’ve done all hiding crap for nothing because it made me feel worthless, when I thought about it all. Even then I was oblivious and blinded by that because of how much I loved you.”

Louis couldn’t hold back his tears. This is all happening too fast, right in the middle of an isle in tesco but Louis didn’t care. 

“You know Harry, you made me feel like shit, stubborn, blind, stupid but behind all that you still made me feel love. You made me the happiest person for so long and maybe that’s why I ignored the shit you did to me, because that’s love right?”

Still silence between them.

“When you’re in love you’d do anything to be with that person right? No matter the flaws and any of that bullshit right?”

Harry was left speechless and in tears. They’ve become a mess and right in the fucking middle of tesco.

“But you know, here you are and of all places I’ve run into you here. You’re married. You have a different life from me now, still in the spotlight doing what you love because that’s what you’ve always loved doing and I am so happy for you, Haz. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, I let you go when you left because I thought I was holding you back from being happy. That’s all I wanted you to be.”

Harry dropped everything he had in his hands and pulled Louis in by the hips. He cupped his chin and pulled him in for a kiss. He kisses him just like that. The kiss that shreds all the built up emotions inside of Louis as Harry runs his up his hands up Louis’ hips. It’s all come flooding back in his mind now, the familiar shape of lips on his, the way Harry would kiss him, tongue running over Louis’ top lips. It was the way their lips slot together in perfect angle as Louis places his hands on Harry’s back as he pulled him closer. It was the kiss that was needy, so familiar and still the same as ever. It was the kind of kiss that always made Louis take Harry back so easy, it over powers him. It made him weak, but it was okay. He loved him.

Louis pushes Harry slightly, to grasp his breath. To take in what just happened in the middle of fucking tesco in the pasta isle. Their foreheads stuck together as Harry runs his thumb on Louis’ cheeks; his breaths still hitching from the kiss. 

Louis, still confused as to what had just happened, didn’t know what to say.

“Come into my car for a bit, I want to explain myself.”

Louis follows him from his post-delusion state as the boy grabs his hand and exits out of the shop. 

Louis doesn’t know what’s going on.

He’s not sure if he’s okay.

********************************  
Louis is in the passenger seat of the car and Harry in the drivers seat

“Look Louis, I didn't mean to hurt you at all. I had no clue what you we’re feeling and like you, I was blind and you let me be blind. We could’ve avoided everything wrong but you let me, so I did it. I still have myself to blame though, I should’ve asked if you were okay and I shouldn’t have done anything that I did.”

It was silent again between them, Louis listening intently as Harry’s words were being spoken.

“I’ve felt the same every day since we’ve met, felt the same things through the days I was married. She made me happy when I was miserable without you Lou, she put me back on the ground again and I did love her, so I married her. It was stupid because I thought maybe if I did, it’ll distract me from you?”

Louis was speechless. He didn’t know what to say, so he continued being silent. 

“Now I’m 28 and divorced and guess what?”

Louis is tensed, gripping tightly at Harry’s car seat.

“What?” Louis murmurs in reply.

“I still fucking love you.”

********************************  
Louis goes home that night with Harry’s number on his phone. Harry wants to see him again, but Louis is still undecided. But after that kiss today, maybe he does? Maybe he’ll let Harry crawl back into his streams of thought again. Maybe he’d let him back into his life again, slowly but surely. 

Louis doesn’t know, but he does live up to a quote he’s looked up to since he was young and naïve about the cold world without Harry, “Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain.” Louis thinks. He’ll let moments with Harry pass by, if he gets to have that light in his life back again. 

Maybe this might not be the best decision Louis makes, maybe it’ll hurt him all over again. But he’s prepared with what may come in this venture with Harry, he never truly knows. But for now in this moment Louis is okay.

He’s okay.

Harry still loves him and its all okay.


End file.
